The Loss

Ok. So i made a blog today. But that was just how i decided to wind up my day. A lot had happened in the 23 hours before i wrote this, and not much of it was really GOOD, so to say.

--FLASHBACK--
HOW IT ALL BEGAN - The Loss

Let me take you back in time. I'll start with Sunday, the 11th of May. It wasn't just any other Sunday. It was different. See, on Sunday afternoon, my mom and elder sister were packing their bags. They had a train to Bombay scheduled @ 4.30 and had to resolve to last minute because my sis and I threw our parents a pretty big party the night before to celebrate their 25th anniversary (it was on 24/04/08 but my sis had exams going on in her law college in Jodhpur). Anyway. So the house was all a huge mess and a cloud of confusion hung over our heads. My sis did manage to stuff a few thousand bags of a million kilos each with all the stuff she needed urgently (actually there were 6 or 7 but who cares, right).
They even managed to catch the train, all bags intact (and a Rs.1000 fine too).

Then, weird stuff started happening.

That same evening, the English Premier League was set for its grand finish. Chelsea and Man U went into their ties level on points and Chelsea had to put up a better show than Man U to seal the league. The task would never be easy, but someone had to step up to the plate and create some magic. I sat with my friends Bonny, Niloy, Tin Tin, Aparna, Adarsh and a friend of his @ Adarsh's place with a decent supply of chips and cold drinks while we kept swapping between ESPN and Star Sports to keep a tab on events. Soon enough, disaster for us Chelsea fans. Man U scored from a penalty away @ Wigan and it was an uphill battle. Chelsea did take the lead @ the Bridge but learnt a VERY valuable lesson. 1-Goal leads are NOT a safe option and are almost NEVER enough. Wigan taught us that a month ago and Bolton made us revise that chapter. They scored and nullified Chelsea's chances of regaining their championship.

Things didn't end there though. At almost 9pm, while the games were still well on, i got a call from my dad. He said he was coming to pick me up and take me to CR Park. Ths where my nani (grandma) resided. At 8.50pm, she had passed away. My mom was on a train quite a few hours away from Delhi when she got the news. She would be in Bombay while her own mother was to be cremated. The sights and sounds and the whole air in and around the house was terrifying. Never in my 17 years alive had i seen any of my aunts shed a tear. As i slowly walked into my grandma's room, i saw and heard them cry their lungs out. Their husbands feared the worst, some believed they had to stop their wives before they slipped into mental trauma and disturbance. I saw my grandmother shrunken and pale blue. her jaw was wide apart and stiff. She passed away in her sleep after dinner.

I sat there, amongst the tears and the sad faces, hardly bothering about the Chelsea loss that my best friends Daksh and Surabhi (both Man U supporters) tried reminding me of, only 2 learn about a much bigger loss.

As i spent the whole night sitting in front of the body, which now lay on ice to preserve it till the cremation scheduled for the morning after, i learned that life was a lot more than money and fame. At the cremation, these thoughts were cemented. I saw my grandmother burn. a few hours later, the priests came out of the electric crematorium chamber with a red hot steel bowl of my grandmothers ashes. Then it hit me. That's all life was worth. Whatever one may do, however u may look, whatever hair style u keep now... none of this would matter in the end. Because when the end would come, you're just going 2 be burnt. Most of your ashes would fly away from the hot vessel once cold water is run into it. The rest would be put into a pile of ash where no two bodies could be distinguished and a couple of your bones would be poured into a holy river up north. That's how it will end. Period.

I now had to face the days ahead representing my family at all the prayer ceremonies and cremation. I would have to live with the guilt that my mom couldn't attend her OWN MOTHERS funeral for the rest of my being. I know (god forbid this but) if my parents were to pass away before i do, i would at least want to be at the cremation to see them one last time before they went away. And day in and day out, the picture of the burning body would flash in my head. Nothing seemed to go my way. And unfortunately, this was just the beginning.

(to be contd...)